Notice: The Following Story Contents feature a Subject which people will find Sensitive
The Coming From the Shadows Series
2015 A.D.
Blackpool, Lancashire
Developing a pattern, Raven begins spending her time between home with her mum, sister and brother, while on weekends; she has begun spending her time with Yasmin when she usually has more free time; whenever Yasmin does have free time during the week; Raven always chooses to go and spend her time with her, usually staying over during the night; it has been slow, but she has slowly started bringing her life back together, trying to push her often oppressive negative thoughts back, not since the first few days after what happened in July did Raven have any serious thoughts of ending things; she had hit her lowest point, with support though, she had slowly started to move on; though now, as she was awoken in the middle of the night, she felt a strangeness, she barely had a chance to check the time before she had to spring from her bed, her movement was nearly impossible to keep up with if someone had been watching, she slid full force into the wall as she forced her bedroom door open before crashing to the next room; there had been an overwhelming sense of nausea that had sent her rushing.
All of the noise Raven had caused, stirred the house, Eliza in her bedroom heard it the loudest, her bedroom was directly next to her sister; when Raven had crashed her body against the wall in her haste to open the bedroom, Eliza had barely moved at first, but her boyfriend, Tyler though nearly shot up suspecting something was afoot due to a dream he had been having, it was the second sound of a slamming door against a wall that forced Eliza to sit up “What the hell was that?” she questioned, glancing around the barely-lit room, the early summer sun had already started to rise; and Eliza usually left her curtains open to let the light in, the orange morning glow had begun lighting her room
“I have absolutely no idea” Tyler answered as he sat up; his eyes drifted around a moment; they then heard another door opening out in the hall, so Eliza glanced to Tyler before she got up and off her bed, Tyler tilted his head a moment watching her as she walked over quickly to the bedroom door, his eyes though fixated onto her bum, he could help but smile
Opening her bedroom door, she peaked out to see her mother; Jenna had come out to find out what all the noise was about, but she had stopped by the bathroom and was looking inside; Eliza raised her eyebrow a moment “Mum?” she called out, Jenna glanced back “Everything alright?”
“Doesn’t look like it” Jenna answered “Your sister is ill” she told Eliza; she raised her eyebrow a moment as Tyler finally made an appearance, poking his head out of the doorway above Eliza; it caused Eliza to twist a moment to look at him with a confused expression
“Just curious” Tyler smiled; his eyes landed over on Dylan who was quietly standing by his bedroom door rubbing his eyes “Hey pal; we still on for that game when you wake up properly?” Eliza again looked to Tyler with a confused expression; Tyler noticed and smiled “What?” he said whimsically “I made a promise” Eliza simply rolls her eyes at him in response
The sound of the flushing toilet followed shortly there after by running water from a tap brought Eliza’s attention back to the direction of the bathroom; when Raven appeared in the doorway, she seemed somewhat dazed, though she just automatically hugged their mother “You okay Raven?” though Raven just shook her head in answer to the question
For most of that day things would be stilted for Raven; she tried breakfast, but her stomach churned at the scent; attempting to keep herself busy; she still found nausea would linger; the dizzy queasy feeling clung to her; by the end of the day, she settled on the couch in the living room, her eyes were fixed onto the television; she wasn’t watching anything in particular though, she was not really there at all mentally; when her mobile suddenly began ringing it caused her to jump, she snapped her attention towards it like it had some thing wrong; after a moment it silenced, only to then begin ringing again; she saw Yasmin’s name; quickly, she answered it this time; hearing Yasmin was going to have time off, she smiled, for the first time that day, though she still felt that lingering nausea, she agreed to go round to Yasmin’s flat without hesitation; announcing to her mother as she left.
Yasmin, having called Raven when she had left work; reached her flat before Raven would turn up, she let herself inside and made her way to get a quick shower and fresh set of clothes; stepping out with dripping wet hair, Yasmin wrapped a towel around her head before getting herself dressed quickly; hearing the door, she made her way from her bathroom as she began to rub the towel against her head; she used her left hand to let Raven in, while keeping her right against the towel on her head, she glimpsed Raven at the corner of her eye, her smile faltered though, Raven seemed to rather pale as she came in “Are you okay?”
“Yeah…” Raven nodded, during her travel, so many smells had begun triggering her nauseas feeling, it ranged from many different stenches she came across during her journey, the one that struck her most though was the stench of sweat from someone she had found herself standing beside on the tram-journey along the promenade, she let out a breath, Yasmin watched her carefully, she eyed her with concern
“Go and sit down, I’ll get you something to drink” Yasmin told her; Raven slowly nodded her head, as Raven passed her, Yasmin watched her movement carefully before making her way to the small kitchen to get some water; placing the glass down on the table, she pulled the towel off her head completely, and wrapped it over her shoulders so that her damp hair wouldn’t be against her back; collecting the glass, she then went to check on Raven
Yasmin found Raven slumped against the couches armrest, she seemed dazed, and didn’t respond right away until Yasmin sat down beside her; it was Yasmin’s gentle touch that caused Raven to move, she looked towards Yasmin before moving to instead lean against her instead “Are you not well?” she queries
“I’ve been feeling ill most of the day” Raven answers
“Why didn’t you tell me that when I called” Yasmin watched her carefully “I would have come to you instead” she tells her; moving her left hand, she gently strokes Raven’s face, while holding the glass of water in her right hand
“You’d worry?” Raven thought for a moment, she would worry anyway when Yasmin evidently saw she wasn’t well; though she hadn’t thought of that in the moment
“But…” Yasmin raised her eyebrow as she tried to work out how to explain; though she saw by Raven’s facial expression she already worked out the exact same thing “What am I going to do with you” she said shaking her head, a slight smile curved her lips “What a Plonker” she chuckled, as Raven took the glass, she just couldn’t stop smiling at her.
Deciding to make herself something to eat, she checked if Raven would like anything; though she already knew she wouldn’t; when Raven shook her head in response; she simply brought another glass of water to her, and while she would return back to the kitchen, Yasmin continued preparing herself something to eat; when she would eventually bring it out to the living room, she noticed Raven wrinkle her nose to the strong scent that escaped her meal, she raised her eyebrow “Hmm” she mumbled
“That is strong” she said as she finished her glass of water; she looked to the meal Yasmin was presently eating, the smell wafted around, what would normally been the pleasant scent of spaghetti, a meal that Raven usually liked, this time it was making her feel nauseous again; Yasmin nodded her head, she looked at Raven with a strange expression, trying to work something out; not wanting to make her uncomfortable, Yasmin decided to move to the kitchen, and proceeded to finish her meal, once done she cleaned up before going back to Raven; it wouldn’t be long after they would go and get into bed, as was normal when together by this point, she could feel Raven cuddling up against her, so she wrapped her arms around her; the two would initially sleep rather peacefully
Though in the morning, once again Raven would wake up with a need to move once again; her sudden movement woke Yasmin immediately as she felt Raven rush from the bed; disappearing in a rapid movement out from the room; for Raven, this felt worse than the previous morning; she barely managed to get there in time as she stumbled into the bathroom; this time the heaving left her shaking, weak and clutching the sink to balance herself when she finally tried getting back up to her feet; she noticed her reflection staring back at her; hollowed-eyed and pale, she barely recognised herself; Yasmin stood by the doorway, wanting to make sure she was okay, but seeking her blankly staring at her reflection gave her a moment of pause before she slowly moved over to Raven, reaching past her to grab a bottle, before handing it to her; Raven’s eyes landed onto the bottle, she then took it; swirling mouthwash around her mouth “I want you to rest today” Yasmin said gently “Do you want to stay here or go home?” she queried softly, Raven’s gaze moved to Yasmin, she looked at her
“If, your okay with it; I’ll stay here” Raven said quietly, she felt weak, but something else had entered her mind and Yasmin could see that there was now something running through her head; Yasmin nodded her head
“I’ll call your mum, let her know” she told Raven “Go back to bed”
By the noon, Raven finally found herself waking up once again, she had managed to sleep undisturbed by her constant feelings of nausea; but her thoughts had returned to something she started thinking about during the morning; with Yasmin not around, she decided to try a quick visit to a shop nearby, having been spending so much time at Yasmin’s flat, she had grown accustom to the surrounding area, knowing what shops were close enough for her to be able to get back without too much hassle; and so, she got up, she got her shoes and her usual denim jacket and left Yasmin’s flat; locking the door with her key before disappearing to the shop.
Later into the evening, the sun had begun to dip down, the night had begun to cast its dark shadow as the temperatures would slowly begin to fall for the evening; Raven, she sat on the edge of Yasmin’s bed; her hands trembling as her gaze fell on the slender white stick that was resting on the nightstand; a single line divided it into two distinct worlds; the one she known and the one she was now confronting; the faint pink plus felt like a brand – a mark that burned into her subconscious, demanding her attention, her reckoning.
The flat was quiet except for the soft hum of the refrigerator in the kitchen; the blinds were partially closed, blocking out the illumination of the outside street lights; the room was cloaked in dusky shadows; it mirrored the heaviness in her chest; the evening chill seeped into the air; but she didn’t move to grab anything to wear to keep that chill at bay; she could only sit, paralyzed, her breathing was uneven; her heart thudded erratically, like that of a bird desperate to break free from its cage
Yasmin would be home soon; but Raven did not feel at all ready for the conversation that would soon happen; not yet, the news she had uncovered had pulled her into a storm; unwelcome memories over what happened the previous month, the rawness of that realisation; it was once again front and centre; it threatened to drown her.
With it all returning to her mind, there was no way it could be denied, this revelation really cemented what had happened when she had been unconscious, those initial thoughts from when she woke up that morning, to how unsafe she had felt, even within her own skin; she had made so many mistakes that night; and she had made so much progress since then; it was as though it had happened all over again to her; her sense of trust, her confidence, the sense of control; it all felt irreparably broken.
While she had been counting the days since what happened, she was aware of ever passing moment, but the one thing that hadn’t occurred to her, was to keep track of her cycle; those thoughts finally snapped in that morning during those moments that felt worse than the previous day, a quick stop to the shop and moments later; her worst fear had been confirmed.
Pregnant; the very word echoed in her mind like an accusation.
The sound of a key turning in a lock snapped Raven out of her daze, she blinked and instinctively swiped tears from her cheeks; she could hear movement, then Yasmin peaked into the room, she was clearly checking to see if she was still sleeping; but her eyes, upon landing on Raven immediately shifted from a casual expression to concern “Raven?” she said “Are you okay>” she asked, setting her bag down by the door, moving over and getting closer to Raven, her gaze scanned Raven’s face, she saw the blotchy redness around her eyes, the stiffness of her posture
Raven swallowed hard, unsure how to start; her voice felt caught in her throat, weighted by the enormity of what she had to say; Yasmin slowly sat down beside her; she reached for her hand, intertwining their fingers; the gentle, familiar touch almost undid it for her “Yasmin…” Raven finally whispers, her voice was cracking “I…, uh…, I have taken a test”
Yasmin’s brow furrowed, her hand tightened around Raven’s “What kind of test?”
Raven felt unable to say anything, she couldn’t look at Yasmin; she just could not bring herself to look at her, instead she weakly gestured towards the small white stick on the nightstand; Yasmin shifted her eyes in the direction, leaning over to see it; and the moment she registered what it was, her breath hitched audibly; she didn’t say anything though. She stayed perfectly still, but her hand never left Raven’s “I’m pregnant…” Raven finally said; she had force the words out as the tears welled in her eyes once more “After everything that’s happened…, I can’t…., I don’t know…”
Raven broke down; her body folding in on itself as sobs racked her frame; Yasmin gently pulled her close, wrapping her arms around her tightly; as though trying to shield her from the tidal wave of pain threatening to overwhelm her “You’re not alone in this” Yasmin murmured, her voice was steady, despite the storm around them “We’ll figure this out together” she told Raven “You don’t need to make any decision on anything right in this moment”
Raven simply clung to Yasmin, her tears were beginning to soak into her jumper; for a moment, the physical connection grounded her, but the weight of reality they would be facing loomed large, refusing to leave her mind.
The hours that followed were a blur of whispered conversations, tentative silences and an undercurrent of grief; Yasmin made tea but Raven barely touched it; they would move to the living room where they would sit quietly on the couch.
“I can’t….” Raven started, then stopped; she struggled to find the right words, she rubbed her palms together nervously, her thoughts a jumbled mess “I can’t keep this baby Yasmin” she said, her voice shaking “Every time I think about…, about what happened, it…, it makes me sick…”
Yasmin placed her cup down on the table in front of them, turning and giving Raven her full attention “You don’t need to justify your feelings to me Raven” she told her gently “Whatever decision you take, I am here for you”
“But…., what.., what if…” Raven hesitated for a moment, she started to stare down at her hands “What if I make the wrong decision; what if I am making the wrong choice; what if I regret this later?”
Taking a deep breath; Yasmin reached for her hands, she laced their fingers together “Raven; it is your body, it is your choice; nobody gets to tell you what is right or wrong; you are okay to have doubts, this will be a big decision; but it is also okay to choose what is best for you mental health; your future, you’ve been through so much”
Raven let out a shaky breath “I want it to stop; the memories, the nightmares; I want it all to go away; it doesn’t…, and now…, this” she instinctively moved her left hand to her stomach “It feels like even my own body is betraying me”
“Your body isn’t betraying you” Yasmin said softly, but firmly “It’s dong what it’s supposed to do; it is strong, even when you feel it is not; you aren’t broken Raven, you’ve been through hell, but you are still here; that is what matters”
Raven’s eyes filled once again with fresh tears; but this time, they wasn’t entirely out of despair; Yasmin’s presence was her lifeline, one of the most important people she had in her life; a reminder that she wasn’t alone.
As weeks would pass; Raven had to tell her mother, just as with Yasmin; Jenna would support her in the decision she was intending to take; eventually Raven would find herself in a clinic waiting room; she stared, the walls were painted a soft and natural tone; but the space felt and smelt like a clinic, impersonal; there were other women there, all quietly waiting, some alone, others accompanied by friends or partners; the silence was heavy, as Raven simply stared, it was Yasmin’s fingers that gently gripped around her own that shifted Raven’s attention towards her.
She had made her choice after many long nights of tearful discussions, some with Yasmin, others with her mother, some even with her sister; Eliza; she had support behind her, it wasn’t an easy decision; but it was the right one for her.
When her name was finally called; fear was present in her eyes as she looked to Yasmin, she wouldn’t be in the room with her, she felt as though that would make it more difficult; but she gave Raven an encouraging nod, squeezing her hand gently “I will be right here Raven”
Raven slowly nodded her head; walking with the nurse, she was led to a room; a mix of emotions churned inside her; Sadness, relief, fear; the smallest glimmer of hope; she remembered Yasmin’s words from the night before ‘This doesn’t define you; you are allowed to grieve, to heal on your own terms, in your own time; and you are allowed to move forwards’
It wouldn’t be easy; some days that pain would feel unbearable, but she wasn’t alone; Her Mother, Sister, Brother and her Girlfriend were there to support her; she had to reclaim that lost power she once had; in that moment, she thought; maybe the shadows wouldn’t always feel so suffocating.
While all of this had been going on; 1812.14 miles away from Blackpool; in the peaks of the mountains of Crete, there had been an awakening; Raven’s emotions had been raw, and unbeknownst to her, those same raw emotions had rekindled a connection that had been lost; the crumpling gravel beneath foot as a figure emerged out from a cave, looking to the grey clouds high above in the sky.
Written By: Westley H.
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