A Cold War Relic
A Malfuctioning Robot
2017
Somewhere in the United States
Within the confines of an underground bunker, a long abandoned relic of the cold war – the fluorescent lights flickered into life to illuminating various old machines and consoles as a curious technician accidentally stumbles upon the facility, the whirring of generators powering up hum through the bunker as Timmy Walsh leans towards the long distant relative of modern computing coughing against the dust in an effort to clear his throat, his eyes narrowed as he looks at the dusty screen, taking a moment to use his sleeve to clean the face.
As various lines come up on the screen, he noticed a single line that utterly confused him; ~N.A.A.D.E.F.C.O.M initialising; please stand by
It took a moment before realisation set in that it sounded like a military acronym causing him to feel a sudden sense of panic, but that was nothing compared to the raw terror he felt by the sudden booming voice to erupted filled with a static drawl to it.
“Start up system…Error….Error; Pl…Please Stand….Error…., Please Sit By…., Standing is currently unavailable”
Timmy’s eyes became as wide as saurces as his gaze fell towards the hulking metal shape slumped against the far wall – some kind of robot the size of a vending machine, painted in typical colours of the Cold War Era, a sickly green illuminous panel flickering to life on its chest, the booming voice erupting once again “Hello Citizen of our Great….I am….North American Aero….., Aero-Aerospace Def—Defen,,,,,Defensive…, Defensiveness…., Unit”
Timmy blinked as the machine paused for a moment, then added with that same booming voice “You can call me NAADEFCOM” in an effort to stand, one leg came out gracefully, while the other shot out sideways, not too dissimilar to a startled horse causing it to topple over causing a loud clang that echoes throughout the bunker
Timmy found himself wincing as if he’d been physically struck “Are…, are you okay?”
The Robot’s head began to rotate around a full 270 degrees before stopping at a slightly worrying angle and announcing in its booming voice “I am fully opera…operational” though added after a beat of silence “Please contact technical support”
Timmy made a move forwards, approaching cautiously “I think you might be malfunctioning”
“Negative…, I am performing a routine…routine self-diagnostic” it announced with that booming voice, sparks shooting free from the shoulder “Self-Diagnostic Complete, Result; Everything is….Fine” it announced before raising its arm up in effort to salute, missing its own forehead entirely and smacking itself in the antenna
Timmy blinked before letting out a bemused sigh “Right….” He said drawing out the word on purpose “Okay, well, let’s at least try to get you upright”
As Timmy helped get the machine onto its feet; NAADEFCOM’s chest panel lit up that sickly green colour again “Mission Parameters Required; please state the current Threat Level”
Timmy frowned, taking a moment to think before shrugging “Uh…, mild…., maybe two…., on a scale of…” he paused, blinking once – twice, uncertain “Whatever scale you use”
NAADEFCOM processed this, the strange echoing sound of old machinery whirring in response “Threat Level: Mild, Initiating Protocol: Make Tea”
Timmy raised his eyebrow as a compartment opened up, a second later, a teabag shot out like a bullet; ricocheting off the wall and landing on the ground in front of them; both of the staring at it “Huh….” Timmy murmured “Perhaps you aren’t a total disaster”
NAADEFCOM straightened proudly, one of its eyes flickering before proudly declaring “I am Fully Capable of Defending the Continent” another spark shot free from the shoulder followed by a small puff of smoke “…Within Reason” NAADEFCOM added
Timmy couldn’t help but smile – his lips tugging up despite himself – this was certainly an interesting encounter, he wondered if he’d end up in trouble for trying to take NAADEFCOM home for repairs or if it would be a better decision to do those repairs within the Bunker.
Written By: Westley H.
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