The Coming From the Shadows Series
Previous / Connected Content:
- C.F.T.S / The Dark Chronicles: Thomas’ Love – Santorini Secrets: Passion and Pain in 1911
- C.F.T.S The Dark Chronicles: The Reaper’s Return – The Imperium Chronicles: The Reaper’s Return
- C.F.T.S.: A Jealous Encounter – A Peaceful Evening turns to Chaos: A Jealous Encounter
- C.F.T.S / The Imperium Chronicles: Prelude to Trouble – Lydia’s Journey: From Shadows to Strength
C.F.T.S
A Fleeting Sense of Change
Background:
Born December 21st of 1890; Lydia Langdon’s life was one of constant fear and terror; daughter to a Sadistic, Cruel Cultist Leader, she grew up witnessing the brutality not just perpetuated against those outside, but within; forced to witness the violence against her mother; Cathryn ranging from Physical, Mental and Sexual violence, Lydia developed an unusually strong bond to her mother, a loyalty that regardless of George Smythe’s attempts, would not fracture – even with a 5-Year separation between 1900 to 1905, Lydia’s loyalty remained firmly with her mother.
Her escape in 1905 allowed her reunification with her mother setting her on the path to becoming an ‘Anti-Imperium Hunter’ a disorganised group that her mother had originally been born into during an 1872 Purge, adapting the skills she acquired during her father’s brutal education from stealth to early self-defence, and the added desensitization resulting from forced observation of not just her mother’s suffering, but Animal torture and killings, Lydia made remarkable gains under the tutelage of her Mother’s training, and the enigmatic figure simply known as ‘The Monk’.
Travelling within her mother’s slowly building group; she would see her help save an orphaned Italian girl in Lombardy; Norina Fiorito who’d become her adopted sister, work alongside a hardened and stoic Manchurian; Xian, a man she deeply distrusted due to Xian’s failed attempts at rescuing her mother during her life as a Domestic-Slave and would work alongside an Ex-Serbian soldier known as Damir.
In 1907, during a Himalayan excavation intent to locate a mysterious Ancient Temple in effort to prevent it from being accessed by the Imperium; a Shadow-Organisation comprised of various different Cultist groups since Ancient Greece, Lydia would encounter a British regiment – a Regiment that had gotten themselves trapped within the ‘Hunters’ ambush zone by accident, the encounter would be somewhat tense and hostile for Lydia who distrusted outsiders, one soldier though; Thomas Davidson – found her fascinating.
The encounter between Lydia and Thomas would be one of distrust from Lydia, and despite his efforts to learn about her; he would prove himself through rescues though; first in Egypt in 1908, then in Burma in 1909 – joining the group fully in early 1910 alongside Miquel, he would be present through Lydia’s toughest struggles, from severe injuries, to the aftermath of her near-assault and torture, their bond had deepened into a deeply romantic attachment by the end of 1910.
In December of 1911 though, witnessing the apparent death of her mother would send her spiralling; her hardened exterior crumbling, emotional walls breaking – at her most vulnerable, Thomas remained by her, in Santorini she would initiate their first sexual interaction out of a desperate she didn’t understand; the intimate moment would trigger Thomas’ decision to raise the idea of settling, recognising Lydia’s trauma, her history of fighting and abuse – the desperate need for normalcy she wanted, she immediately took the chance.
By February of 1912 they would acquire a home from Thomas’ relative, and with the support of Thomas’ mother and father, they would begin building their life together – reigniting physical intimacy within their private setting, Thomas also discovered Lydia’s enjoyment matching his own, creating a regular activity; their unconventional ways met with curious observations, but also fear amongst men who saw Lydia’s fiery independence as a threat and woman found her with a mix of bewilderment while others her own age began to emulate.
Introduction:
March, 1912
Lancaster, Lancashire
Towards the end of March; Lydia had found herself forced back into her old life after a Cultist had attempted to set up within her newly established home of Lancaster; a harrowing ordeal that had seen the rise of Break-ins, Murders and Cultist activity – one of the victims being Thomas’ father; Solomon, though he would survive, it had left Lydia with a heavy sense of guilt leading to her reckless attempt to eliminate the threat.
While she did succeed, she would be heavily injured during the actions she took; while her body was still recovering, she had reverted back to the life she had been building with Thomas.
As a biting wind swept through the streets of Lancaster rattling the windows of terraced houses lining residential streets; Lydia who had gotten up bright and early was intent on beginning the next stage of her day.
Lydia, a small, slender woman with long Raven-Dark hair that had been cascading down her back that morning, had finished tying it up, before wrapping a paint-splattered cloth to cover her hair, she’d taken to dressing in some worn old clothes she had specifically set aside for the decoration since first moving in with Thomas.
Chapter 1:
As she made her way into the room of her focus; her Silvery-Grey eyes, usually keen and unyielding held a flicker of something new, a blend of determination and a quiet enjoyment of the domestic life she had begun to experience; for all the years of fighting with her Jian Sword, the use of her Mortar and Pestle to crush glass for her blinding-eggs tactics, the use of throwing knives and combat knives, or in rare cases, using a revolver; her life had always been a dance with death.
The life she had now was what she had been seeking for so long, despite difficulties, she was fiercely holding onto it – though in the past few weeks, something had changed, a unfamiliar rebellion had begun within her own body; shifts, subtle, unsettling shifts; beginning with a sudden, deep-fatigue that hit her without warning, usually pinning her to the spot demanding surrender, random headaches; waves of nausea that roiled her stomach leaving her pale and clammy, she began to dismiss them as simply the aftereffects of her recent recklessness, and a result of injuries.
Despite the persistence, she had resolved to start on the decorating, it had so far been the only room now started since their initial moving in, they had sorted the Kitchen, their small hallway, their bedroom; yet the Living room, even small, had yet to be started.
A fresh coat of paint, new curtains a lighter, airer feel – it represented so much more to her.
As Lydia was beginning with her intent to redecorate; the front door clicked shut, a familiar sound of Thomas’ voice, warm and resonant echoed into the hall “Lydia?” he called out as he made a quick check of some letters, a glass milk bottle in hand as he walked down the short hallway “I’m back Love” he had just been out, performing the morning routine he’d settled into, the slight chill had reinvigorated his senses as he passed the doorway he made a quick glance – initially he had anticipated her being either in the kitchen testing out new recipes like she usually did, or reading, instead….
As he glanced, he found her in the living room, the space already chaotic with dust sheets and rolls of wallpaper, his eyes immediately found her, remarkably high on a set of wooden ladders, she was stretching to reach a stubborn patch near the ceiling, a pot of paste was sat within a precarious position.
“Hey” he called out, an easy smile curving his lips “Hold on, let me get changed and I’ll come help you, I don’t want you falling off that ladder” he chuckled, turning his attention to put the letters down “Just going to put this milk away first”
Usually, his greeting would have been met with an equally buoyant remark, perhaps a wry comment or a playful tease; instead, only silence met him; a prickle of unease, sharp and immediate cut through his mood as his attention fixed back to Lydia, his smile faltered as he took a second, more careful look.
He noticed it; her posture was off – shoulders, usually holding that warrior’s straightness seemed subtly slumped, an almost imperceptible tremor ran through her body, her hand gripping the ladder seemed to sway, it was no natural rhythm, but was odd and with a jerky instability, her head had tilted forwards causing her fringe to fall forwards, obscuring her face – the stillness of her body ,an inexplicable lack of her usual vibrant presence struck him “Lydia?”
His voice was sharp, laced with a sudden concern, it was a tone he had never used with her, one usually from his days on a battlefield during the Boer War or moments of grave importance – Lydia simply began to sway more noticeably, his heart hammered as he moved immediately, the domesticity vanishing, replaced by an acute alertness of a soldier anticipating danger as he flew forwards, long strides covering the short distance as quick as he could.
His timing was near-perfect – As Lydia’s grip on the ladder finally gave way, her body suddenly slackening, eyes glazed and distant, she had become a ghost inhabiting her own body, she fell backwards; a dead weight.
Thomas had intercepted at the right moment, catching her with a slight, almost imperceptible grunt, her small frame was its usual lightness but, his position still caused him to nearly fall causing a momentary stumble as he stopped her hitting the floor, adjusting her; her head fell against his shoulder “Lydia?” he murmured “Lydia, can you hear me?” his voice became urgent, kneeling down, he gently began to pat her cheek lightly, her eyes fluttered but remained unfocused, they were clouded with a strange absence.
Shifting his gaze a moment he put her down against the ground softly, turning to the nearest bit of furniture and yanked a cover off before pulling Lydia back up; cradling her as though she was some fragile object, his movement and actions gentle, soft as he moved her onto the couch – her breath shallow and face pale.
Leaving her a moment, he darted to the kitchen, returning with a glass of water kneeling beside the couch to offer her the drink as he gently propped her head “Lydia; here…, drink” he urged softly holding the glass at her lips
As a small tremor ran through her, she swallowed convulsively, her eyes slowly beginning to focus, darting about as she began reorientating herself, a faint flush of colour had returned to her face, though vanished just as suddenly, her brow furrowed; a nauseating sensation visibly building up as her jaw tightened; she shook her head quickly, she moved, she was sitting up immediately, her head span; she moved her hand which trembled “Thomas…, I’m going to be sick” her voice was a whisper, strained
Without hesitation; Thomas scanned the room, his eyes landing on an empty bucket placed strategically by the wall; likely intended to discarded wallpaper; he moved quick, snatching it and moved it just in time as Lydia lurched forwards, body wracked by a violent tremor, retching into the bucket; he moved his hand quickly to prevent her hair being caught in front of her mouth due to it becoming loose, he moved his left had to her back, rubbing in slow, soothing circles.
Chapter 2:
Twenty minutes later, the immediate crisis had passed leaving behind only exhaustion that had settled like a heavy shroud over Lydia; she lay partially curled up on the couch, the bucket since moved, her face still pale as she rested her head on Thomas lap; she could feel his fingers, usually adapt to rifles and weapons or the reign’s of a horse, now, gently kneading her head, his fingers gently moving through her longer hair; soft, rhythmic motion that kept the irritation at bay.
“This…, is really beginning to get me down” Lydia murmured, her voice raspy, a low growl of frustration, her hands, usually steady, moved to her chest, pressing gently, her brow furrowed with a faint wince crossing her features “And my chest…, my chest feels so tender for no bloody reason” she gave a small, almost imperceptible massage to the area, her face flinching again in slight discomfort “The fatigue…, doesn’t matter how much sleep I have, it knocks me”
Shifting her positioning, rolling to lay on her back, her head still in his lap; but now, she was looking up at him, her eyes shadowed with weariness, they met with his blue eyes as he looked down at her with a softened expression “I can fight; I can track people, endure torture…, yet, this…, its humiliating” she swallowed, her voice held a rare, raw edge – Thomas knew how her life was, how hard things had been, had been there when she’d endured more than anyone else he knew
Gently, he moved his right hand and began to stroke her cheek gently “Maybe its just a bug Lass” he wasn’t sure what else he could offer, he could see the growing distress, and with her intention to accompany Elizabeth to New York; which was rapidly coming up, he questioned if she would be in any state “Maybe from our last visit to Miss Haworth; her little lad wasn’t that well either, and we was there for a while…, maybe it’s just that” he offered the explanation, uncertain in it himself, but hoped it might alleviate her irritation
As the evening deepened, the walls, now newly primed, a quiet domestic tableau unfolded within the living room; as Thomas tends the fireplace, he took notice of Lydia’s shadow, a smile curving his lips as he glances over, he noticed the pale look had persisted; she was still quite lethargic even after a warm bath, and fresh set of clothes, feet patting almost soundlessly against the ground as she made her way to collect something, rolling her sleeve up her forearms before setting her attention onto the books.
Thomas moved back and settled onto the couch, he watched Lydia carefully, looking for subtle signs of any dizziness; when she found what she was looking for, her sharp turn caused a momentary lapse causing her to steady herself, taking a deep breath she carried her typically favourite book with her to the couch settling beside Thomas “Here” Thomas said softly, pulling her that little bit closer to offer more comfort, her eyebrow raised slightly but she smiled as she moved her legs to rest over his lap, resting her head against his shoulder as she began to read; the intimacy of his hold felt reassuring, though there was a reason behind Thomas’ decision.
He recognised the high chance of fatigue hitting her regardless of her efforts to fight any feelings of tiredness.
As Lydia opened up the dog-eared copy of her book; ‘The Titan’ she began to lose herself in her reading, it was a book she found in her childhood – one of the few items that had survived the burning of the Smythe Estate that she managed to keep, she had always loved reading it.
It would be a good twenty minute though of trying to read that her brow began to furrow, she kept staring trying to make out words, her eyelids had begun to droop, her breathing beginning to soften into a rhythmic cadence that Thomas knew was going to hit her.
Thomas had noticed the beginning of this slip – and for those twenty-minutes, he had purposely moved his left hand to Lydia’s feet, gently messaging her foot closest to his hand, initially the action had gone more or less unnoticed by Lydia, even when he’d started it didn’t really draw her attention, if anything, she simply twisted her body to bring her legs upwards, purposely letting him continue, it had been helping relieve some tension even if she wasn’t visibly showing it – as she began to show clear signs of beginning to fall asleep, he smiled, gently leaning his head forwards to gently kiss along the side of her cheek “Lydia” he murmured “You’re clearly exhausted; you need to go and sleep”
Lydia mumbled, stirring slightly as her fingers tightened on her book “No…, no…, I want to finish this chapter…, I only have one page left” her stubbornness was a familiar trait that Thomas simply found endearing, even now when she was barely awake
Thomas let a chuckle escape his throat, a warm sound that filled the room “Alright then my diligent scholar” he grinned, gently leaning his forehead against he side of her head “Tell me…, what’s it about, I always did want to know about what happens on that ship”
Lydia made an effort as her eyes fluttered, she struggled to focus on the page, she frowned “A…, ship….” She murmured, more repeating him than reading anything, her voice was thick with sleep “It’s about a ship…, I.., can’t make out the words though…” she squinted, clearly frustrated in her inability to comprehend the text as she shook her head slightly
Thomas gently took the book from her slackened grip, his gaze falling on it, a fond, knowing smile curving his lips, he then, gently, turned the book to face her “That is because my love….” He said, voice laced with tender amusement “You’re not actually reading the book at all, you’ve been holding it upside down and staring at the cover”
Lydia blinked slowly, her expression was a mix of surprise and utter weariness; she stared at the book a moment, then tilted her head against him, gently, slowly turning, feeling him move his head due to her movement as she looked at his face – a faint blush creeping up her pale cheeks, a sheepish smile reaching her face, it was a rare sight that Thomas loved “Oh…” was all she could manage
Without another word, Thomas slid his left arm beneath her knee’s and his right behind her back; without effort, he lifted her as he stood up, cradling her against him; Lydia offered no resistance for once, no protest; she just purposely tucked her head into the crook of his neck, her body limp and trusting as he carried her up the stairs to their room – the familiar creaks of the house accompanying them.
Placing her down onto the bed, he raised the blanket to her chin, tucking her in and brushing stray strands of hair from her face; she was already drifting into sleep, a subtle, gently movement as she rolled to face Thomas usual spot on the bed despite him not being in bed yet; her hand gently, limply clutched at her pillow; her face was simply innocent as Thomas watched her, the gently, rhythmic breathing, a soft sound escaping her lips.
He stood quietly for a moment watching her sleep, he felt a strong sense of protectiveness – usually, he didn’t need to be concerned, while he still felt it; she was usually more than capable of looking after herself; but these changes, they simply left her in a state that he was not use to seeing, and he had a chilling certainty that it wasn’t as simple as her merely being ill, there was something else.
Chapter 3:
After a moment longer, Thomas quietly made his way from the room, pulling the door partially closed, leaving only a crack; as he made his way down, his eyes fell onto the tall clock in the corner of their living-room – it was almost ten o’clock.
He made a decision, he’d go and visit his mum and dad; he had promised to visit in the morning to see how his dad was recovering, but, he felt an urge building to seek out his mother regarding Lydia’s symptoms.
Before leaving; he checked the back door; double checking it was locked, and pushing the bolt at the bottom as an added protection before leaving via the front door; pulling it shut behind him with a quiet click; before he left, he double checked the door wouldn’t open, testing the lock; it was an unusual precaution, but he felt a need to do so.
Lydia’s vulnerability just made him feel uneasy about leaving her alone while she slept, but, he wanted to seek some guidance.
Setting off within the cool night air, he began to make his way through the empty streets, his parents home was only a few streets away; as he came within sight, he noticed the light still glowed from the window; a smile reached him, she was still awake, hurrying his pace, he opened the front door and made his way inside.
The warmth of the Davidson home was a welcome shift from the cool air; a familiar scent of woodsmoke and his mothers baking lingered; Kattie, a woman with a deceptively soft aura about her was sat near the window; her long dark hair was tied neatly back, her blue eyes a gentle twinkling within them as she focused on her knitting .
Across was Nealie; Thomas’ 15 Year old sister and the youngest child of the Davidson family, her own long dark hair and blue eyes matched her brother and mother, she had a typical youthful energy, currently though she was captivated by her latest book, but, upon hearing Thomas she instantly looked up with a warm smile, her attention shifted instantly though expecting Lydia.
Nealie had come to idolize Lydia, finding her fiery nature to be something she herself wanted to take on, that afternoon she had spent with Lydia playing a game of football, a rebellious act that Lydia had encouraged when Nealie had aired her frustration that her male-friends wouldn’t let her due to being a girl, the bond between Nealie and Lydia was strong.
“Thomas” Kattie greeted warmly “What a lovely surprise, you’ve come rather late into the evening, I thought you was coming tomorrow morning “Is Lydia not with you?” Kattie shifted her attention a moment expecting Lydia to enter, her eyes returning to Thomas
“No…” Thomas settled into the nearby chair his dad would usually take up, running his hand through his head, trying to project a casual air that was quickly eroding under his mothers gaze “She’s…, sleeping; it’s why I came down now” he began recounting the days event’s; his voice tinged with concern that he couldn’t mask as he described the sudden dizziness, the near fall from the ladders, the nausea and sickness, the overwhelming fatigue and inability for Lydia to even concentrate, even noting the tenderness Lydia had commented “She’s really not herself; she is usually so strong…, resilient, I haven’t seen her like this before…, she I be concerned” he looked at his mother then to his sister and back again to his mother
Kattie had set her knitting down, her expression growing increasingly thoughtful as Thomas spoke, her eyes, wise and observant held a knowing spark; her eyes shifted towards Nealie; Nealie had turned to fully focus on her brother too, listening to everything said before looking to her mother, the two exchanging a silent communication that seemed to be understood between mother and daughter as a quiet dawning of understanding appeared in Nealie’s young face
Kattie then shifted her gaze back to Thomas; she thought carefully and finally, asked the simple question “Do you intend to marry her soon?” the question was abrupt, unexpected and completely derailed Thomas’ train of thought, he had come and told her symptoms, and she instead asked about marriage, he was utterly confused
He blinked, taken aback then shook his head “Marry her?; Mum, she isn’t ready for that kind of a commitment, not yet; her history…, makes it difficult for that sought of thought, it would feel like she’s being caged…, restricted; she had that on such an abusive level, I don’t want her feeling that I am trapping her and taking her freedom away, I love this woman, and I respect her autonomy, its what makes her…, her”
Kattie took a deep breath in, she understood him, it was somewhat strange, she had met so few people that thought like her son did.
Shifting her gaze towards Nealie again; there seemed to be a silent affirmation between them before she looked at Thomas, softer, but resolute “Thomas” she began gently; her voice low and steady “You might want to start thinking about it, the symptoms you’ve described to me; the dizziness, the nausea, the sudden fatigue and the breast tenderness…, the fogginess of mind” she paused, she let each symptom hang in the air then delivered the quiet bombshell “They sound my dearest; very much like what I experienced when I was pregnant”
The words hung in the air; the weight was of unimaginable significance – the silence stretched within the room, only broken by the crackling of the fire and a rapid thrum that Thomas heard in his own chest, the blood rushing through his hears – he was usually sharp and logical, he just seemed to seize.
Pregnancy.
Lydia.
The two concepts collided in his mind, his carefully constructed calm seemed to shatter; when he finally spoke, it was simply a strangled, disbelieving “What?”
The single word was laced with shock, fear and a terrifying wave of concern; not for himself, not the reality of such a profound change; but for Lydia herself; How would She react to such news; Lydia’s entire childhood was one of terror and abuse, her independence was fierce – even while she plays a role that she finds enjoyable, he knows full well, that she could easily shift if she felt threatened, she only plays a domestic role; it was just that ‘Playing a Game’ she found the normalcy to be what she wanted, she knew nothing else – pregnancy, would she welcome that, or would she be horrified by it.
Kattie could see the turmoil present; while she wasn’t aware of everything in Lydia’s past, she recognised that if Thomas, a man she knew such news would never normally cause such a reaction hinted at something else; slowly, she moved, walking to her son and kneeling down a moment and taking his hands “Thomas; they are just symptoms that I had, perhaps it is something else…, unlikely, but possibly, but, if your concerned…”
“No…, not me” Thomas looked at his mother carefully “She has been caged like I said; her entire life has been about trying to protect herself, I don’t think she has ever learnt anything like this from anywhere…, if you finds she is pregnant…., she’s going to be terrified by it”
“We’ll be right here to support her Thomas” she gave his hand a gentle squeeze “I like Lydia, she’s a lovely young woman and a perfect match for you; if she needs me, or Nealie; we’ll be right here for her”
Thomas gave a slow nod “I don’t even know how I can raise this…, it’s going to be difficult…, I would have preferred to wait until she was more ready, settled…, I’ll ask her to marry me”
“I am only bringing that up because of how people are; its to keep her safe, that is all; I know you, nothing will change even in marriage, you’ll still be that same respectful young man I am proud of” she leaned forwards to kiss her son on the forehead before straightening up and looking towards Nealie; Nealie watched her brother intensely – though, the incident at the field began to make more sense now when Lydia backed off when they had been confronted, an unusual defensive posture that had come from nowhere instead of Lydia’s typical feisty nature.
Chapter 4:
Thomas would remain present at his mothers home for a while longer, the delicate nature of this situation required as much thought as possible; and his mother, as well as Nealie’s advise was an important lifeline for his next move.
The walk home was a blur street light and rain when it began to fall; upon reaching his front door, he became suddenly aware of sound again; purposely being as quiet as possible as he unlocked the door with a light click, slipping inside before closing; and just as he had before he left, checked it upon locking it; testing its firmness before moving to the living room, he didn’t immediately gravitate to the bedroom…., there was a storm within him that he needed to quell.
As he sat on the chair, he leaned forwards, resting his left elbow against his knee while running his hand through his hair, gently pulling at the roots – how was he meant to approach this, would she react negatively or positively.
Would she view marriage as a cage if he as to ask her, or would she be willing to enter; how would he even phrase it; Lydia’s independence was fierce and closely guarded, her life, so much violence and self-dependence had been something that drew him to her in the first place, and if she did marry him, he wouldn’t want her to change to adopt the typical roles of their time, he wanted her to be ‘her’; if she was something different, she wouldn’t be the woman he fell in love with; resting his right elbow against his knee, he dropped his head, rubbing his hands against his head in frustration.
No – her fierce independence was going to clash with motherhood.
Then he thought, trying to calm himself, it might not be; his mother did say they only ‘sounded’ like the same thing she had experienced, she even said it, even if unlikely it wasn’t, there was that slim possibility he could be stressing himself out over Lydia’s reaction.
But, something else clicked – he was thinking so much about what she was going to do…, she was often unpredictable, there was no actually reason for him to be fixating on the negative, she might respond positively…, what if she didn’t love him though “Bloody hell Thomas….” He growled at himself
He sat there for what felt like an eternity, the hamming of rain against the window, signifying a heavy rain storm had begun, light flashes at the corners of the curtains drew his attention – finally, by the time he decided he needed to move, his eyes falling onto the clock, he noticed it was nearly 4 “Shit”
The chill of the room, the gnawing loneliness finally compelled his movement, he made his way up to their bedroom, gently pushing the door and slipping in; he saw she was still sleeping peacefully, still facing the direction he would be on, her hand had moved out though, she knew he wasn’t there.
He began getting undressed, removing his boots, gently kicking them to the side as he moved to the bed, pulling his top of and gently putting it on the railing of the bed before finally climbing into the bed beside Lydia; the entire time though; his eyes never left her, as the mattress began shifting under his movement, Lydia stirred moving towards him, he was gently in helping her, her head now resting against his chest.
By the early morning , a pale grey filtered into the room through the curtains, Thomas was still wide awake, laying comfortably as he watched Lydia, he had been unable to settle his mind; how would he ask, how would he bring up the questions now running through his head, it as like pushing her over the edge of the precipice, sending Lydia tumbling into a potentially fearful reaction – he simply focused on the negative; he loved her, but, did she love him…, would this shatter an illusion that he could have crafted.
Stirring, a soft sigh escaped Lydia’s lips as she gradually began to awaken; her eyes fluttering open; blinking slowly against the nascent light – she made a gently stretching movement, rolling onto her back as she tilted her head into the pillow, then went limp for a moment before turning to look at Thomas.
He posture was stiff…, unyielding, a tension in his features “Thomas?” she murmured; her voice husky with sleep, there was concern already threading through it; rotating onto her side fully, she propped her head on one hand, her dark hair spilling around her shoulder like a silken cloak.
Her gaze, usually guarded was open; questioning “What is wrong?”
He swallowed; his throat dry suddenly – this was it…, this was going to be the moment, he’d planned, replanned, discarded those and started over to discard more; he’d gone over entire conversations in his head, but now, faced with her direct gaze, his meticulously constructed edifice crumbled, all his careful words and the tender observations vanished “Lydia…” he began, his voice surprisingly rough “There is something important need to ask….” He paused, he believed he was searching for the right words, but, in panic he simply stumbled “Do you trust me?”
The question was heavy and discordant within the air – Lydia’s expression, which had been soft with concern, hardened immediately, her eyebrows drew together, it was a flicker of the old guard, that stoic façade that often hid vulnerabilities…, it returned into her eyes, her slender frame which had been relaxed, tensed up.
“Trust you?” she repeated, her voice adopted a dangerous edge; it wasn’t a question to her, it was a challenge, as her gaze narrowed – her eyes alone pinned him “How can you ask that kind of question…, after…, everything…how do you not even know?” her words were laden with weariness that cut deep, deeper than her anger, the implication was clear; His Question Wounded her
Chapter 5:
Thomas stared at Lydia; as he listened to her voice, he flinched, he recognised his misstep, the bridge he had been trying to navigate carefully had just collapsed under the weight of his own clumsiness “No…, No, Lydia, wait…, I wasn’t…, I didn’t mean it like that” he stammered, trying to correct himself, to explain, but the words felt hallow and the more that escaped, the more inadequate they seemed to his own ears, he reached his hand out, but hesitated, he was unsure if touching her would escalate or soothe
Lydia watched his floundering, she didn’t just see, but she sensed his increasingly genuine distress; while the initial sting of the question remained, it was obvious something was deeply unsettling him, it was more profound that a simple doubt of loyalty – she needed to cut through his stammering, she needed to ground him; draw him back to their intimacy.
With a deliberate and fluid movement; one of great control, and spoke of innate sensuality, she shifted, she moved to straddle him, her knee’s finding purchase on either side of his hips as her weight settled lightly onto him, the blankets tangled around her waist, it revealed the olive complexion of her skin, the delicate curves of her body as her hair fell forwards as she leaned, it acted like a private curtain around their faces; her hands, gentle yet firm, cupped his face.
Her thumbs brushed lightly along his face, his gaze was forced to meet hers – her Silvery-Grey eyes were not defensive, but intense, probing as she locked with his Blue eyes, the physical proximity, the directness of her gaze, the silent power within her posture demanded his unreserved attention – it was more than a challenge, it was an invitation and a silent command all at once.
Thomas became quiet; his panic which had seized him settled, her gaze held him captive; and the tender, yet resolute pressure of her hands essentially grounded him, he felt the soft give of her thighs against his hips, picked up on the subtle scent of her skin that filled his senses, within this intimacy, this vulnerable position, her presence was overwhelming, demanding truth that he struggled to voice.
She remained perfectly still, eyes locked searching for answers to unspoken questions which had prompted his clumsy query; taking in a slow, deep breath, her chest rose and fell against his – as she finally spoke, her voice had softened, it lost its defensive edge, instead it was quiet, a firm cadence that compelled him to listen “Thomas”
Her voice had become a whisper despite resonate authority “I want you to take a moment and think very, very carefully on what I have done that would warrant such a question of trust” not once did her gaze waver, forcing him to meet her challenge as she began to list, not with accusation, but with a quiet irrefutable logic that simply built up an impenetrable case “When we first began this…, whatever it is…, I had a breakdown…, I was confused after that first kiss…., but, I didn’t retreat away from you”
She continued speaking, her tone not changing “I have allowed you into my space; my body, I have shared intimacy I have never shared with anyone; my touch, my presence; these are not given lightly, not shared with anyone else” she paused, purposely giving him time to think over their growing relationship
“Santorini…, the first time I ever…, that I ever did something so intimate…, it hurt…” she let a light smile touch her lips before carrying on “Then you suggested we settle here, in Lancaster; it was where your family was; I agreed…, I wanted too…, not because I had no choices, I could have decided to have carried on, and you know that…, that was the life I had known, so that decision itself should be enough…”
She continued “I offered you my journal” she reminded him; her eyes softened slightly at the memory of his refusal “The book contains my entire story…, my entire life, struggles, pain, suffering and what happiness I had…, granted most of the happier moments came from you, it is my most guarded possession, it would tell you the deepest parts of my mind, my fears, everything that makes me who I am; You refused”
Thomas thought a moment; he remembered her offer and gave a subtle nod.
“You refused it; you said it would remain my safe place” she gave him a small, almost imperceptible shake of her head “I offered to adopt the more ‘traditional’ things I observed other women do, to be like them, to be a woman you would expect from the society you grew within, what you was use too” again she was referencing his refusal “You told me that you wanted me to be me; that you liked my independent nature, that you didn’t care what others thought about you letting me be myself”
Each point had been a hammer blow against his ill-phrased question, it dismantled any conceivable doubts; yet she wasn’t finished, her grip tightened a fraction, her eyes darkening with a profound seriousness “The other night” she said, her voice softer but no less serious “When I told you that I love you; I wasn’t lying…, I wasn’t tired; I knew exactly what I was saying, I knew exactly how raw that came across…, and I purposely stood from that bath, I wasn’t under any daze…, I felt ill, yes…, but I knew what I was doing, I was showing you the truth of what I have gone through…”
He knew what she meant – it wasn’t just that night either, the raw declaration that was so unusual for her, and the decision to stand in his presence from the bath, truly revealing her body for the first time; usually she would keep her body hidden, even in their most intimate moments, that night; she showed him everything, the scars that crisscrossed her body, cuts, and wounds from gunfire, and now; she was doing it a second time as she maintained her stationary position, her body was visible against the morning light – he saw it all truly, recognised how much she had gone through.
“Thomas; the only person I would trust more than you is my mother” he eyes tensed a moment, a subtle flicker of visible attempts to fight a shift when her voice momentarily cracked “I would willingly spend my life with you however you wanted me to live it”
Gently stroking her thumb against his face her face softened “I love you; do you not get that?; you can doubt anything you want, but never….” She felt a tremble in her voice “Never doubt my trust, never doubt how much I love you”
“Thomas; I want to spend my life with you” she told him; after some silence stretches between them, she simply leans forwards, still stroking her thumbs against his face, as she leans in, she kissed him; she kissed him deeply that it momentarily surprised him but he responded with equal fervour
Chapter 6:
It took a moment before she gently parted, she didn’t pull her head far back; instead simply resting her forehead against his her fingers still stroking his face – his eyes said it all though, he still seemed to not fully grasp – she knew what he thought, she didn’t return back to that defensive mood she initially gave, her face simply softened, her eyes saddened as she gently pulled a little bit further away “You still don’t believe me do you?” her voice trembled a moment
“Lydia….” He began; though she simply put her hand against his mouth, shaking her head
“No…, don’t…” gently removing her hand, she looked to her wrist; she’d purposely wrapped a string multiple times reaching from the base of her wrist to beneath the elbow; it had usually been worn around her waist as part of a remnant of her ‘Hunter’ attire, beginning to unwrap it, Thomas watched her quietly, not understanding what she was doing; pulling it free, she looked at it carefully, she felt her body momentarily tensing at her thought process, it was noticeable in her breathing as she looked at it
After a moment; she looked at him holding it out; confused, he took it – though her next action confused him further as she raised her wrists at him “You believe I am ‘Playing’ that I am not committed to this?…, do what you want with me” she locked her eyes with his
Thomas was unsure how to react; she was surrendering total control, he knew from past experience’s that Lydia had suffered torture that had rendered her unable to fight back; it would be a trigger if he actually seized her ability to fight back “Lydia” his voice became a little more serious
“No” she told him firmly “You want to know how much I trust you, how much I love you; do what you want to me, I don’t know any other way to convince you; I don’t know what I have to do, but, showing you that I would let you do anything you want…, is that not enough?” she kept her eyes locked on him “I am not testing you; if you bind my wrists, your not betraying my trust…, I might get scared…, but I trust you with my life”
She kept her position; refusing to move until he takes her seriously – Thomas thought carefully, with hesitation; he did it, he wrapped the string tightly around both her wrists, watching her carefully as she tested the tightness, searching for any weakness – it became clear that she wouldn’t be getting free unless he let her; nervously, Thomas swallowed as he watched her, uncertain what to do next
Once she’d tested the binding on her wrists, she lowered them down “I said you can do anything you want” she could sense his hesitation, part of her was beginning to regret her decision, she felt a tinge of fear beginning to surface – her instinct to resist was purposely being supressed “Your stronger and can physically overpower me, my wrists are bound; and I am still trusting you Thomas, I am still wanting you to do whatever you want”
Thomas thought carefully; deciding to follow through; he took a deep breath, quickly moving her with a sharp push, causing her to fall sideways against the mattress before he moved over her, holding himself above her; Lydia’s initial instinct caused her to freeze as she tried moving, her eyes simply locking onto his as she stared up – he could see it “Lydia…, your not wanting this, you don’t want me to dominate you”
“No; I am willing to let you” she told him softly, her breathing becoming heavier “I don’t have any other way to prove it Thomas, I don’t know how” she felt a building of emotion behind her words
He could see her lower lip tremble “I do believe you” he told her softly “I don’t want to take your independence, but I know its also going to clash…, I know you might begin regretting all this…”
“Then you don’t know me at all” Lydia turned her head away “I want this; I don’t understand why you don’t believe me” she shifted her hands up, using the back of her left hand to wipe at her eyes “Untie me” she finally said after a moment of silence
He heard the pain in her voice at her request to be untied; a realisation he may have just made a major mistake clicked in his head; he hesitated as he watched her – when Thomas didn’t immediately move, the initial tinge of fear came to the surface, it was now much more visible “Now!” she suddenly shouted; her voice shaking, a desperation now present, turning her head away so wasn’t looking at him, her chest visible moving with an exagerated breathing – Thomas shifted and quickly released her wrists; she shuffled as fast as she could from beneath him, escaping from him and rolling off the opposite side of her bed; as he settled down on the bed, he watched her carefully, the tremor in her body was very clear as she began to get dressed before leaving the room raising her right hand up to her face as she left, not looking back at him
“Nice going Thomas” he told himself as he leaned back against the pillows
Later into the morning, Thomas would finally come down in search of Lydia only to discover she wasn’t even in the house, growing concerned, he began double checking each room to make sure with a complete certainty she wasn’t hiding anywhere “Shit” he told himself before grabbing his jacket and shoes to go out, bumping into his mother and sister coming around to check on him following the conversation the previous night
“Thomas?” Kattie questioned, sensing distress “What’s wrong?”
“I’ve just made a massive cock-up” Thomas answered quickly, his breathing a little heavier from rushing about “Actually…, no…, I may have just messed everything up; all of it…, all of the years of trust-building…, al the promises I made…, I think I just messed it all up”
“What have you done?” Nealie quickly shot as she watched her brother
Thomas hesitated a moment but took his mother and sister inside and to the living room, sitting down to begin explaining everything that had happened that morning; Kattie looked at Thomas carefully, her features softening, though Nealie was clearly annoyed at him “What do I do?”
“First…, lets just find her; we need to make sure she is safe” Kattie tells him “Nealie; go back to the house and ask your brothers to come and help us begin looking for Lydia” Nealie gave a quick nod before getting up, shooting an irritated look at her brother before rushing off “Thomas…, I think she is more ready than you realise…, she clearly loves you”
“And I just messed that up” Thomas looks at his mother carefully
“So…, you fix it” Kattie offers a warm smile “But first, we need to make sure she is okay” Thomas gave a slow nod in response
Chapter 7:
Down by the River Lune; Lydia sat quietly along the bank, her presence partially hidden by the bushes as she tossed a stone; skimming it across the surface, her eyes distant, reddened as she ever so often sniffled before shifting her gaze to find another stone repeating the same process, each toss though got sharper, more on point to being used like a weapon than for skimming.
“Stupid” she whispered to herself “That’s all I am.., I can only fight…, I’m not meant for this” she felt her voice shake as she threw another, sharper; heavier causing water to splash at a distance
After a little moment longer; Lydia slowly stood up, brushing herself down, though as she looked down at the ankle-length skirt she was wearing; she stood still for a moment before she took in her full reflection within the water, she looked at herself carefully, she’d changed – before Thomas, before the move to Lancaster, she would never have let herself wear such feminine attire.
Rolling her sleeve up, she looked at the string wrapped around her wrist, pulling it free and deciding to tie it in its old place, around her waist, though she had done it rather loosely as he gaze returned to her reflection “You changed because you love him” she told her reflection “And he thinks everything you do is just an act…., that your not genuine….” She felt a surge in her emotional state, moving her hand upwards to pinch the bridge of her nose
Turning around, she slowly moved away from the river; she didn’t want to return back home…, though now; she was wondering if she should even consider it ‘home’ as she set off for a walk through the woodlands along the river, she was simply lost in thought for most of the day, wandering about without much of an aim, occasionally finding herself needing to stop due to moments of dizziness or nausea – and she certainly felt an overwhelming tiredness hitting her, her head had started to ache leaving her walking with her right hand constantly against her head.
By the later afternoon, she had begun walking the streets of the city centre, she paid little attention to the crowds; she was still wandering aimlessly; eventually though, she came to the pub that the Davidson’s usually visit, hesitating a moment she was about to go in before a realisation set in – she has no money on her, she swallowed nervously, she had so far gone the entire day without anything to eat or drink, and her head was simply pounding, the dizziness has returned and she could feel that building nausea, she stood there longer than she even realised, mostly focusing on her breathing before she felt a hand land on her shoulder causing her to jump, her eyes landed onto Thomas – Thomas could see the growing distress in her face, pushing the door open he decided to lead her inside, getting her to a table before moving to the bar making a request for something to eat and drink, pointing in Lydia’s direction “The lass alright?” the bartender queried
“She…, maybe…” Thomas hesitated, the Bartender worked it out though and smiled “No…, no, don’t say anything; Lydia has no clue, I mean me, my mum and sister are suspecting it; and it might scare her, don’t mention anything Henry”
“Mum’s the word” Henry shot a wide smile before getting a glass filled and bringing it back to Thomas “I’ll get something for the missus to eat” he said before disappearing; Thomas returned back to the table
“Here” he said gently, kneeling down beside the chair and purposely brought the glass up, noticing the trembling, raising the glass to her lips to help her “Lydia…, don’t do that again please; and please…, please don’t leave yourself in such…”
“Stop” Lydia said quickly, her voice trembling “I have done everything I can think of, and you still think I am just playing some game, you think that once the ‘novelty’ wears off, I’ll be off, let me make this perfectly clear; this is what I have wanted all my life…., and you…., you…” she moved her hand up to her face sniffling “I want to spend my life with you; why won’t you believe me?” her tone seemed to enter a higher pitch the more she struggled
“I do believe you…, it has been made perfectly clear Lydia” Thomas told her, his voice soft “I didn’t think you was ready…, I admit I didn’t believe you; I admit that, you have had me worried all day; I love you, okay, and I make mistakes, this was a mistake on my part, I have been overthinking because there is something significant happening…, and I just don’t know how to approach it yet”
Lydia looked at him with a confused expression as tears fell down her face “What?”
Thomas hesitated “Your trip to New York is coming up soon…” spotting the shift in her face he shook his head quickly “No…, wait.., listen; that trip is going to be dangerous, and I firmly believe that this conversation that I am still trying to process myself needs to wait until you’ve been to New York”
He thought carefully “If we have it now…., it will leave you emotionally vulnerable, or you might make a fatal mistake, and I don’t want that; I want you safe, and I can’t be there to ensure that, which makes it more difficult…”
There was a long pause as he glanced to Henry as he brought a plate over before retreating away from them; he looked back at Lydia “Right now Lydia, your not in the best of health…, if you worsen, I feel I might have to overstep and stop you going, but I am not making decisions because I want to control you…, I don’t…, I want you to be you; to be who you was when I first met you, a woman who can make her own decisions without my approval, I want you to be able to have a say in this relationship; not defer to me; we are a team…, not just partners; a team”
Gently he pushed the plate towards her “Eat; please just focus on that for now”
Lydia looked at him carefully before shifting her attention to the glass and meal; her left hand rose back to the side of her head briefly before she began to eat – it wouldn’t be too much longer before they would be joined by Kattie, Nealie and Thomas brothers; Charles and Joasiah.
Consistently, Thomas would rub Lydia’s back or arm; Lydia’s decision to disappear and his search had raised his worry of her significantly, fearing not just her health and the potential of her being pregnant – that he could have lost her completely.
Kattie observed Thomas carefully, she could see it in his eyes how much he cared, how much Lydia meant to him, but, she also recognised both the trauma that they had not fully revealed, she knew some things, but not everything – the second though, she could see he was being overprotective in a way he wouldn’t usually be.
Gently leaning forward, she tapped her son on the leg before gesturing for him to come with her a moment, Thomas, somewhat confused gave a slow nod; the two standing and moving to the bar a moment “Thomas, tell me the truth” she locked eyes with him carefully “There is more than what you two have told me and your father, you’ve told us she came from an abusive background, but wont really explain much beyond that, but I can see you are becoming far too protective…, it isn’t like you”
Thomas thought carefully a moment, his eyes landing back towards Lydia a moment before returning to Kattie “Yes.., there is more; a lot more” he admitted
“Tell me” she said softly “If its…, something she doesn’t want revealed, in great detail, alright, I get that, and will respect it; but, I just want to know exactly how to help not just you, but her as well”
Thomas hesitated; he knew that there was a balancing act he needed to keep with Lydia’s past and what he could tell, taking a deep breath “She came from a Cultist family; a Wealthy Family down in the South…, she isn’t just fiery by nature, she is like she is because she was trained to fight, she has spent most of her life always travelling” Thomas shifted his gaze towards Lydia “This is the first time she’s truly settled, and I am scared she is going to lose all interest if she discovers she is pregnant, it would be like taking her independence from her, and that is something I have rarely ever seen anywhere”
Thomas began listing things that he knew, he still kept some things back, and some he didn’t know enough about; but it painted a picture that seemed to not just horrify, but soften Kattie entirely, she felt sorry for Lydia.
“She was forced to watch her father assault her mother as a child” Kattie shifted her eyes towards Lydia carefully
“That.., and forced to partake in cruelty to animals, torturing them…, butchering them; I have seen the night terrors she has, when I travelled with her and her mother, Cathryn; I saw how nightmares kept her awake” Thomas thought carefully
“That poor girl” Kattie’s voice softened completely, she felt a build up of her own emotions, though she retained her composure and gave a slow nod “Okay; it makes it easier a little easier to understand why she was carrying weapons when you brought her to our home in January, and why she didn’t have any possessions and clothing” she looked at Thomas
“I wanted to thank you about that; I never really got a chance” Thomas gave a soft smile “I have tried to find places I could get some more clothes for her, give her a bit more variety and to help her really settle”
Kattie waved him off “I can make something; I have plenty of materials, our neighbour still provides things to me and your father to help with his shop; it won’t be an issue; but keep hold of what you have and save it; your going to need it Thomas; but I need you to listen now”
Thomas looked at her carefully.
“Your not usually this overprotective, you have always had an unusual way, your previous engagement demonstrated that, though I never liked her, I was happy when you decided to break it off, not happy about the reason, she shouldn’t have done what she did, but…, it brought Lydia into this family, don’t scare her off” Kattie told him, her voice firm but soft “That Independent nature you want her to keep, if you keep doubting her, she might reject it entirely to try pleasing you; I can see it, you should be able too, treat her as you did before, respectful and with patience, and when you both decide to explore her illness, we will be there to help you if you need it”
Chapter 8:
Over the next few days, things return to a relatively peaceful existence once again as Lydia and Thomas settle back into a comfortable routine with one another; though the lingering doubts persisted for Lydia; she was questioning if Thomas still didn’t believe her, there had been a shift she had been noticing and couldn’t work out what it was, all she knew, it was something to do with her health, though she noted the health peculiarities, which made her more and more frustrated when she found herself collapsing if she turned too quick, stood up too fast; would still have sensations of nausea that seemed to be getting worse, the tenderness of her chest irritated her the most though, unlike the dizziness, nausea and fatigue which came randomly – the breast tenderness was always present.
One thing she didn’t notice, that Thomas had begun picking up on, was her sudden preference for anything ‘sweet’ and in particular; strawberries – after a brief visit from Lydia’s older twin, strawberries from the south had been introduced to Lydia’s pallet which quickly became her main want, she had begun putting effort into travelling to find anywhere she could acquire them, though being a seasonal fruit frustrated her, making it a difficult for her to acquire.
Towards the end of the March, as Lydia’s older twin began to make more and more unannounced appearances, Thomas began to show some frustration, he knew it was getting closer to her intended trip and she still seemed to be declining, but, by this point it was more or less accepted that Lydia was, and he knew he should have breached the conversation, but continued to hesitate, fearing it could interfere with her intent to travel to New York.
One particular morning; a musky scent filled the bedroom, Lydia’s breathing was heavy, deeper than previously as she laid beneath Thomas, her arms raised up near her head, limply on the bed, and…, once again bound – purposely; her face had a rosy tint.
Thomas’ weight above her was a comforting anchor; her chest rose and fell with each heavy breath, she could still feel subtle trembles within her body, and the slight tingle that followed as he kissed along her collarbone
With her eyes fixed on the ceiling, she gently tugged at her wrists a moment “Do you…” she took a deep breath before finishing her sentence “Want to untie my wrists?”
Thomas raised his head slowly; nodding before gently easing forwards, his movement sent a wave of sensation through Lydia since he was still yet to withdraw from her; his movement forwards gently made her smile, as she followed his movement, feeling him finally releasing her wrists “Are you alright?” Thomas gently moved his hand to her face, stroking her cheek softly “There was a moment I thought you was going to panic”
Lydia shook her head “I’m okay…, it’s…, scary; but, I trust you, I know if I needed you to stop, you would have”
They remained stationary a moment longer – a comforting silence filling the room only to be broken by rhythmic breathing before finally, a soft whisper escaped her lips “We really should get up”
“Mm..” Thomas gave a smile “I suppose we should” he murmured; instead of withdrawing though, he gently moved; a movement that caused Lydia to reposition her legs, resting her knee’s against his hips – he lowered his head, kissing along her the sensitive zone along her neck, a shiver traced its way down Lydia’s spine eliciting a light giggle
“If you continue….” She sounded breathy as her eyes partially closed, gently moving her arms to wrap around his neck “We’re going to be here even longer”
Gently he lifted his head; his blue eyes meeting her Silvery-Grey, a sly smile present “Would that be to terrible?” he kissed her before lifting his head again and gently traced his thumb along her cheek “Are you hungry?” he asked softly
Lydia opened her eyes, she thought for a moment, though there was a shift starting to occur, her expression was becoming clouded “Yes…” she sounded a little uncomfortable “But I’ve also started feeling…., sickly; so I am not sure what to do”
Thomas thought carefully “Sickly hmm?” he could see the shift in her face, that shift towards a pale look “Perhaps I could make you something easy; something light” he looked at her carefully, a hopeful note present in his voice “Porridge”
Lydia’s eyebrow raised, her eyes betraying genuine confusion that briefly startled Thomas “Porridge?” the word itself was a foreign word to her tongue
A light chuckle escaped as he pushed himself onto an elbow “Yeah; Porridge…, oats…, Milk and a bit of sugar, it’s quite plain, but might be good for a queasy stomach” Lydia could see the concern within his eyes but also a hint of playfulness, almost teasing of her with regards to ‘Porridge’ “Am I to assume you have never had it before?” he paused, realising something “Wait…, what did you usually eat in a morning?”
“I didn’t” Lydia thought for a moment “I use to wake up, train, maybe a drink; but I typically had meals on the move, very rare, if ever, to have a big meal; you know that, you was there”
Thomas’ smile softened “Well then…” he gently kissed her forehead “It’s high time you did; I’ll go down and make some, don’t rush with getting dressed…, take your time if you not feeling right”
As Thomas pushed himself up, Lydia let out a momentary irritated sigh, having been enjoying the closeness, gently she rolled over, pulling the cover to partially cover her undressed frame as she kept her eyes on him; watching his muscled physique as he began to get dressed, the simple act of pulling his trousers held a new fascination, it was a quiet beauty for her that curved her lips.
Once he was dressed, he gave her a loving glance before he left the room, disappearing down the hallway – Lydia rolled onto her back again, her hand raising up and her fingers drifting to her neck; tracing the spot his lips had lingered, a bright smile blossomed in her expression, though the sickness was becoming more noticeable “Please…, don’t” she closed her eyes as she sat up, the sudden rush in her movement though caused a momentary dizziness “I am not even doing anything….” She complained quietly
Downstairs in the kitchen life had begun stirring under Thomas’ capable hands, he moved with a quick, clearly practised efficiency, multitasking various different focuses as he prepared a pot with water, dealt with making a pot of tea, acquiring the glass bottle containing the milk which had arrived that morning, getting the oats; he performed various mundane tasks, his attention flitting between each one quickly, though he was somewhat slower than Lydia who usually took to the activities much faster, using it like a training method and testing her speed – he’d usually find her sat waiting most of the time due to the time requirement for cooking – but this time, it was his turn, while they would switch now and again, his mother’s words had made him much more attentive to a potentially pregnant partner, he would care for her as much as she would care for him.
Despite his shifting movements, the sound of a knock at the front door drew his attention, double checking the pots, he then rushed out to the door quickly, unlocking the door and pulling it ajar, upon spotting his mum, he smiled and opened it “Hello mum…, just making breakfast”
Kattie watched as Thomas quickly moved back to the kitchen, she removed her morning coat to hang it up before making her way through the hall carrying a bag containing fresh eggs “Smells nice…, I didn’t know you could cook” she commented as her gaze shifted upwards, sweeping the stairs a moment before returning towards the kitchen “Is Lydia awake?”
“Just upstairs getting ready; she is feeling a little off, might slow her down a little” Thomas called out as he continued moving about “I’m making her some porridge” he added
Chapter 9:
As Kattie began moving in the direction of the kitchen, nodding her head in approval of her son’s actions, she stopped noticing a shadow on the stairs drawing her attention; she spotted Lydia beginning to descend the stairs; having now gotten dressed to be presentable, she put her focus on tightening the string around her waist; she’d already, purposely criss-crossed it around her body beneath her top; and now was in the process of tightening around her waist – instead of returning it back around her wrist, she decided to return it to her body testing its use within her desire to turn things into a strength for her new life; pulling it, she felt the string tighten around her, instead of the usual momentary discomfort she had, it felt restrictive.
Kattie noticed how her slender framed looked a little too pale against her dark hair; when Lydia stopped in mid-movement, her head falling forwards causing her hair to fall forwards, hiding her face, Kattie moved around towards the stairs, she could see Lydia’s hand had now gripped the banister, her knuckles white – a dizziness had struck her rooting her in place as her chest rose and fell with an exaggerated movement – Kattie’s eyes narrowed “Lydia?” Kattie spoke cautiously as she began to move up the stairs “Lydia dear, are you alright?” she asked, her voice soft but firm as she quickly closed the gap, reaching out to grab Lydia’s left arm in case she suddenly dropped
Lydia’s movement had immediately seized, as her head flopped forwards, her breathing became more exaggerated; she then suddenly felt someone grab her left arm, she blinked as she looked to see Kattie directly in front of her; before she could say anything she felt a need to move; a desperate urgency that widened her eyes as her right hand let go of the banister and flew to her mouth “Bucket!” she gasped; shifting abruptly to rush back up the stairs, her usually silent footsteps now heavy with haste
Hearing the commotion, Thomas popped his head from the kitchen a spoon dripping porridge was in his hand; he saw his mother up the stairs “Is Lydia okay?” he questioned, a knot of concern
Kattie simply offered a knowing, gentle smile as she continued up the stairs “She’ll be okay; I’ll check on her” her voice was reassuring as she made her way to go and follow Lydia; Thomas returned back to the kitchen
As the day progressed, Lydia found herself locked in an unpredictable dance with her own body; one moment she felt a crushing fatigue, making it a great effort to hold conversation, the next a wave of nausea that would turn her stomach and sudden moments of dizziness.
She often found herself messaging her breasts due to the tenderness she felt; Kattie and Nealie would eventually reappear at the house to discover Lydia’s pale state, believing it might be helpful, the two invited Lydia to accompany them to the markets, believing fresh air might help, Nealie; she was just simply happy to be around the woman she had begun to idolize, though with awareness of what her illness could mean, but also aware of the sensitivity of the subject; she found herself struggling with her concern but also the potential prospect of Lydia having Thomas’ child – the very idea that Lydia would be fully embracing their family made it all the better for Nealie, though; she wasn’t fully aware just how much Lydia even knew, Kattie herself had told her not to bring the subject up.
When they began to explore the market stalls; Lydia began to take notice of all the different smells, some more powerful than others that began to disorientate her; though it was the stench of sweat that would trigger her.
A sudden, dizzying nausea struck her as a direct result of the smell of sweat, it was a far strong reaction than what she’d had that morning as she stumbled against a stall, her hand flying to her mother; her breathing rapidly increasing – Kattie was there within an instant, her arm around Lydia’s waist “Lydia; are you alright?” she murmured, already sensing the answer
“I’m going to be sick…, I’m going to be sick” she repeated; her hand muffling her voice “That smell…, it’s too pungent…, I can’t…, I can’t” Nealie seeing the distress moved from one of the stalls and moved quickly to the opposite side of her mother, her blue eyes were filled with concern as she helped her mother redirecting Lydia away from the crowd towards a nearby alleyway to keep her out of the view and judgement of casual observers to Lydia’s state – it only further solidified Kattie’s suspicion
By the evening, Lydia, now utterly drained had once again chosen to take a bath in effort to calm her body before dressing in a simple skirt and blouse, laying on the couch partially curled up with her eyes closed, her dark hair fanned out on the pillow, a soft sound gently escaping her lips as she simply rested, though Thomas knew she was awake due to the subtle movements of her feet movement; her subtle pushing of her feet against the armrest, clearly using the movement to subtly stretch the toes – he put the action down to her feet being sore.
Outside, a carriage had pulled up, with the driver atop speaking absently to the horses; exiting it though was Elizabeth – Lydia’s older twin sister; unlike Lydia born on the 21st of December; Elizabeth had been born 4-Hours earlier on December the 20th – a seniority that Elizabeth had often used to position herself above Lydia, even despite their long-rivalry in their childhood.
Unlike Lydia who took after their mother in her innocent looks, dark hair and silvery eyes; Elizabeth was like their father, the physical female embodiment; her hair a Dark Blonde; her severe expression a rather intimidating first impression for anyone that encounters her – her Glacial icy-blue eyes held the same stern look as her father.
She was the polar opposite of Lydia; raised within the wealthy advantage due to her previous Loyalties to their father until 1908 when she switched sides to join her mother and sister – and while Lydia sought normalcy, Elizabeth still retained her activity in the long secretive war between the ‘Hunters’ and the Imperium.
She had purposely travelled from the Smythe Estate – her Estate – in the South of England, with no one having seeking to claim it following their father’s death, and Lydia’s disinterest, it had fallen to Elizabeth who took full advantage.
As she moved from the carriage, she looked at the residential building that had become her sister’s home, she took a deep breath shaking her head a moment; though her eyes locked to the door when it suddenly opened – Thomas, who’d heard the carriage had come to see who was at their home.
His surprise though was evident “Elizabeth?” he moved aside to let her in “This is a surprise; we wasn’t even expecting you”
Elizabeth offered a terse, polite smile “The matter regarding Bartholomew and Jack demands swift action, the Cultist threat here that Lydia dealt with will resurge again once they return from America, so I need to discuss our plans with Lydia” her tone was clipped, yet another indicator of her different upbringing compared to Lydia – Lydia’s usual tone always indicating her a mixed accent of Cockney and Northern English to the more refined upper-class tone of Elizabeth
As Elizabeth walked forwards to the living room, she was about to question where Lydia was until her eyes found her – her gaze settled on the figure on the couch, a slight frown creased her perfect brow “What is wrong with my sister?” she questioned, her tone devoid of warmth, yet laced with a subtle undercurrent of concern
Still uncertain; Thomas hesitated briefly “She’s…, caught a bug I believe”
Elizabeth’s lips thinned just imperceptibly “A bug?” she repeated; her tone flat, unconvinced; she turned her back to him, entering the living room and settling down on a chair directly opposite the couch, she observed Lydia carefully, her astute mind already sifting through the evidence; the Pale complexion, the strange fatigue – it was very un-Lydia like
“Lydia” Elizabeth began, her voice calm…, clear; it cut through the quiet of the room “We need to discuss the Cultists and our intention to deal with them in New York; I have reports that they are attending an Imperium meeting intended to select a New Leader for the Cult of the Minotaur and its operations here in Britain”
Lydia however was in no state – she stirred only slightly, he stopped her foot movement against the armrest, her eyes fluttered open as she gently rolled onto her back, turning her head to look at Elizabeth; her response was slurred, almost incoherent mumble that Elizabeth could barely decipher – the very act of forming words seemed to exhaust her
Elizabeth’s interest, already piqued, intensified “Lydia…” she pressed, a new line of question forming in her mind “When was your…, last…, monthly…, ‘cycle’?”
Lydia just looked at her utterly confused; a silence stretching between them, she didn’t know what Elizabeth was referring too.
“Your…, Period…., the…, the cycle your body goes through…” She struggled, finding the idea of even speaking about it to be like breaching something she shouldn’t be
The words simply did not click for Lydia; she was just becoming more confused, her brow furrowed and head tilted slightly; she was utterly baffled “My…, what?,,,,” she whispered; she simply couldn’t grasp what Elizabeth was referring too
Chapter 10:
Elizabeth could see Lydia’s genuine bewilderment, there was a slow dawning realisation settling on her; slowly, Elizabeth have a nod “Okay….” She thought a moment “Go to sleep Lydia” her tone softened as she slowly stood up, her movements already predicted by Thomas as she came out of the living room and followed Thomas into the kitchen – Elizabeth had realised that her sisters constant travel and training had clearly left her without even a basic understanding of her own body, on the very cycles of womanhood
As she settled in the kitchen, she locked eyes with Thomas “Her cycle….” She stated, cutting straight to the point, her voice low “Have you kept track of it?”
Thomas shrugged, a helpless gesture “How?”
Elizabeth nodded, she’d already clicked onto her own question, realising that it was a silly question in the first place “She doesn’t know anything outside of surviving…, does she?” Thomas detected that the question wasn’t directed at him; though he still offered a slight shoulder shrug – though there was also a realisation of something for him too
“So…, that means she wouldn’t understand….” Thomas blinked a moment “Wait…, no…, she initiated our…, in Santorini…..” Elizabeth noticed the sudden shift in his demeanour
“Is my sister pregnant?” Elizabeth shot, her voice an irritated whisper
Thomas took a sharp breath in; he hesitated as he gripped the table, he didn’t look at Elizabeth as he began to slowly nod; he didn’t exactly want to admit anything yet, he wanted everything to be discussed between himself and Lydia, but he knew Elizabeth would push him, and unlike Lydia in her current state, Elizabeth might prove, despite her more cold diplomatic approach, to still have some of that aggressiveness from their childhood “That is what we’re starting to suspect…, my mum…, she told me that the symptoms align with her own experience…, but…, we don’t know…, we can’t prove anything…”
Elizabeth took a moment, her expression softening; she began calculating potential implications “Is it a good idea for Lydia to accompany on this planned mission?” her voice, though calm, held an edge of steel “We’re travelling to pursue violent Cultists”
Thomas ran his hand through his hair; a conflict evident in his posture “I don’t believe it is…, But…” he finally looked at Elizabeth; he’d experienced this conversation with Lydia herself, but now, he was faced with Elizabeth, it felt a little more frustrating “But I am not making her decisions for her, I know your childhood…, I know the abuse…, particularly Lydia’s; I understand her fear of being caged; and I don’t want to pressure her or leave cause her undue stress”
There was a flash of her father’s cold logic as her eyes narrowed “You shouldn’t hesitate” she stated, her voice firm “She’ll be putting herself in danger; not just herself…, but potentially, if pregnant; she will be going into that danger carrying your child” her words held a chilling echo of parental responsibility, a concept Lydia had never truly experienced – for all their mothers efforts, there had been very little room beyond survival for both Cathryn and Lydia.
Thomas thought for a moment “I don’t want to cage her” he repeated “I do intend to ask her to marry me though…., do I have your permission to do that?”
“Why would you ask me?” Elizabeth let her eyebrow rise up; a confused expression forming
“Because I can’t exactly ask Cathryn” he said with a sad tone to his voice “I am making plans…, been processing everything all day…”
“Uh…” Elizabeth thought for a moment; she wasn’t really certain how to really react or respond “Yeah” she finally said giving a slight shrug; she then shifted the conversation back “Thomas…, you need to take this more seriously…, we’re going after dangerous Cultists…”
“Lydia explained that it was simply scouting…, no danger” Thomas said quickly
Elizabeth’s expression shifted, almost devoid, returning to the usual detachment “Lydia doesn’t see danger like we do Thomas” she pointed out, her tone was laced with a weary understanding; she understood her sisters strange…, unique perception “She has faced it so often, it is just a natural state for her; and I have no doubt, that regardless of what she has said she will still find herself physically engaging our opponent”
Elizabeth gestured back to the living room “You yourself know how reckless she can get, she has been through so many experiences; from Near-Assaults, Torture, Nearly drowning; stabs and gunshot wounds, do you really think she will stick to ‘observation’ when her natural state is to intervene”
Thomas shifted his gaze again; he looked away – Elizabeth was correct, it was truth that he couldn’t deny, taking a deep breath; he decided he need to begin pushing, he needed to plan things out with his approach to avoid potentially triggering her, though shortly after Elizabeth had left, he found himself sitting on the stairs a moment – he had settled on one thing, he would ask her to marry him, but, he would trust her to keep herself safe….
Following Elizabeth’s leave; Thomas locked up the front door, returning back through the hall, stopping by the door at the living room for a moment, his eyes falling onto Lydia as she laid there; tilting his head, he leaned against the doorframe watching the subtle movement of her body as it rose and fell with each breath.
Shifting, his eyes looked towards the kitchen doorway then back into the living room “Lydia?” he spoke softly; drawing her attention as she rolled to face him, she noticed his strange expression
“Your doing it again” she whispered; she watched him, she recognised his uncertainty as she resumed gently pushing her feet against the armrest; stretching the toes as she had been doing before her sister came
“Sorry” Thomas smiled, gesturing a moment “Would you like something to eat, I was about to put tea on”
Lydia thought for a moment, slowly pushing herself up to her feet; nodding as she went to join him, the two would talk about random topics of interest as they made equal effort on meal preparation; though Lydia’s handiness with a knife and her usual approach had her speeding through the cutting of vegetables, Thomas simply smiled as he watched her movements.
When finished with meal preparations and cooking, they sat together to enjoy the vegetable stew they’d made and just enjoyed each other’s company – though, it was also helping Thomas with his next intention, once they’d finished eating, Lydia began with cleaning up, though as she cleaned the bowls, Thomas approached her, moving up against her and putting his arms around her causing her to stop what she was doing, twisting a little and leaning her head back to look up due to Thomas height difference “Go rest on the couch” he said softly
“Your wanting to clean up?” she joked
“Only fair; you did most of the cooking, and it was me that offered” he chuckled “So…, it is my turn” leaning down, he kissed her before letting his lips curve and gently urging her away so he could start cleaning.
Chapter 11:
Upon finishing with cleaning, and getting a change of clothes, he made his way down to the living room, noticing Lydia had returned to her previous position, her feet resuming their subtle movement, smiling he approaches and gently put his hand onto her leg “Here” he whispered, gently raising her legs before settling down on the couch, Lydia shifted her body a moment, rotating to get comfortable and to also look at him as her legs rested over his lap
“What are you doing?” Lydia raised her eyebrow, though the smile present indicated comfortability as she watched Thomas gently rub her feet much to her confusion; she wasn’t going to stop him, finding it quite soothing as she watched him
“Your feet are sore aren’t they?” Thomas grinned “Do you want me to stop?” he gently traced his right hand upwards a moment along her leg, gently pushing her skirt upwards towards her knees
“No” she shook her head, maintaining her warm smile “Is it normal though; you’ve been putting a lot of attention on my feet.., well, all of me..” she paused as she started thinking a moment
Thomas watched her carefully, he again traced his fingers along her leg while using his left hand to rub her foot “An unusual partner for an unusual woman?” he let out a light chuckle; though he was focusing on her facial expression for a moment, she was clearly processing something
A silence stretched between them for a moment before she finally spoke “Is something wrong with me?” she watches him carefully, looking for any hint that he might lie to her
“Well…, Yes; you keep being sick, your getting tired pretty quickly…, more so than usual, your experiencing a lot of headaches, if you move too quick, get too high or just simply put something tighter on; you become dizzy or faint” he paused as he watched her carefully, he was hoping she would click on but also hoping she wouldn’t – he didn’t want her panicking when she was so close to going to New York soon, believing it would create unneeded stress she didn’t need
Lydia watches him; her eyes narrowed for a moment, she was concentrating, focusing on his eyes, she could see the growing uneasy in them “Does it have something to do with what you want to discuss after I come back from New York?” Thomas gave a slow nod, Lydia gave a gently nod in response “I’m not going to die am I?”
“No” Thomas eased himself closer, keeping her legs over his lap before gently pulling her against him, putting his arms around her “Could you promise me something” Lydia looked him in the eyes and gave a slow nod “Please don’t get into any physical confrontations; refrain from fighting…, don’t take your weapons, please”
Lydia felt a flood of confusion – that was an unusual request, he knew she would be faced with danger, how would she protect herself; but she could see that same distress that had caused his previous slip-up, she recognised how important it was to him “Thomas…” Thomas shifted, moving her head closer, gently pulling her closer, firmly holding onto her “I Promise” she said after a moment; his behaviour was unusual to her, but she knew something was distressing him, worrying him “I’ll leave them here; I wont fight…, I will just observe…, I don’t have to go though Thomas; if you want me to stay here, I will do”
“No; I want you to be you; I just.., I just don’t want you going into any physical danger; I wouldn’t want it normally, but specifically at the moment, your health is not the best, and I just want you to be safe, that is all”
Lydia’s expression softened as she gently kissed his head “You have my word; I will not fight, I will just observe, I will leave my weapons here”
Thomas gave a gently nod, breathing in her scent before gently leaning back, easing her carefully back down and gently resumed rubbing her feet; watching as she began to fall asleep; he deliberately would wait until it was very clear she was sleeping before moving her; carrying her up to the room before placing her on the bed, joining her as she instinctively moved to him.
As they neared the end of March; Thomas spent a full day planning and making arrangements, needing to get his timing perfect, he’d also been asking various questions regarding her usual spot she liked to go to when she wanted outdoor solitude.
Into the evening; he would suggest a walk, keen to help her get fresh air and away from the usual daily routine, he made sure to bring her old travel bottle; an old glass bottle she used for storing water through her journeys; as they ventured to the River Lune, they began to walk through the woodlands, whenever Lydia would need to stop, they would; though they would follow all the way to Lydia’s usual, favourite spot along the River where they would come to a stop.
As Lydia sat down; she brushed her skirt down before easing herself onto a fallen log; despite the peacefulness, Lydia felt a bubbling of emotions strike her out of nowhere causing her hand to shift upwards, an action noticed by Thomas as she started crying “Lydia?”
Waving her left hand at him; she stopped him as she tries regaining her composure, when she couldn’t though; Thomas ignored her hand gestured, deliberately embracing her and pulling her in, though she didn’t resist, instead shifting to hold onto him a moment – it would take a moment before she would finally regain that composure again as she sat quietly within his embrace “I don’t even know what that was for” she whispered, her voice strained with a tremble
Thomas gave a gently smile “Not to worry; your fine, everything is fine” he told her softly, gently easing back and maintaining his smile.
The two would sit quietly listening to the subtle sounds of nearby birds and the gentle sway of the river; as he observed Lydia, he could see those emotions still bubbling, though she was clearly content with their little venture out into the woodlands – her smile had returned.
Lydia though noticed the unusual observation he kept doing; shifting her gaze towards him, her eyebrow raised a little indicating her confusion before; he decided it was the right moment, moving to kneel down in front of her “Lydia” he said warmly “Will you do me a great honour and marry me?” he brought out a ring he had kept out of view, showing it to her
Lydia simply stared in stunned silence – her eyes were wider than normal, she then blinked, then blinked a second time, she was processing what was happening, though confusion was also obvious, when it clicked; she moved her hand to her mouth, her trembling returned as tears escaped down her face; she gave a nod though “Yes” she whispered
Thomas maintained his smile; gently taking her hand to slide the ring onto her finger before gently pulling her into a hug; feeling her body shake – Lydia though gently pulled away a moment before simply kissing him.
By the April, Lydia would hesitantly take her leave from her home with Thomas intent to join her sister in Southampton; when she left, she had repeated her intent to maintain her promise, refusing to get into any physical confrontation; she had also considered the idea of ending her part earlier so she could journey back alone once she was certain Elizabeth had connected with allied Anti-Imperium groups within America so that she could return back to Thomas intent on finding what it was that had caused Thomas so much distress, but she never voiced this to Thomas, intending to use her earlier return to surprise him.
Though the fate of the ship she would travel would spark a visceral change in all those plans as concern would prompt Thomas to travel to America himself; but he wasn’t going alone, he would be accompanied by not only Lydia’s adoptive sister; but Cathryn.
Written By: Westley H.
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